No.3 What a smug little punt

Rules and more rules, that’s what I need in this debt slaying journey. To build red tape not tear it down, these things are there for a reason. I need to set guidelines and coin theories and philosophies and not punt on a whimsy. For all concerned that will be my last use of the word ‘whimsy’ in this blog – I’m not even quite sure what it means.

So discipline is the order of the day, and to be honest I’m getting quite into my betting rules, they are a bit like the ten commandments but a bit less wordy. I’m finding they help to govern those silly gut feelings that say put Notts County in your Accumulator. When you know you really shouldn’t.

Alas I arrive at my first rule. The Sven rule, it goes a bit like this.

“Don’t back Sven.”

I’ve always found the sex craved Swede to exist in a cloud of disappointment. I have no reason to dislike the bloke; he just seems very beige, a tad magnolia, slightly grey, an off shade of taupe – just not much about him. Therefore I’m not touching Notts County this season, not with that pesky Swede around.

But a man I would trust with my sister if I had one is Tony Pulis, that dapper gent has built a fortress at the Britannia Stadium, which is making punting very fruitful indeed.

I fancied Stoke at home to West Ham the week before the game and could have got on at 2.36 with our good friends at Betfair. I expected West Ham to struggle, especially with their key man Carlton Cole returning from international duty, and no Scott Parker. But on the day I got on at 2.10, which I still thought was a good bet. But it shows if you can pick something out the week before lump on and take the value. Then pray that James Beattie does not get injured playing golf or Pro Evo.

I then doubled this up with my second new rule, the….

If I played for Plymouth and had to trek up to Blackpool I don’t really know if I would fancy it rule.

It turns out that Plymouth away to Blackpool is only 8 miles shorter than an away tie between Gillingham and Dusseldorf. I quite like this travelling logic, it doesn’t always work and it is by no means foolproof, but it’s enough to sway a wandering mind.

I also had an over 2.5 goal treble which was only let down by Liverpool and Sunderland – if only there had been more beach balls playing I say. But I did not lose, oh no. I traded and got out. Backing the treble at 5.0 and laying off Liverpool over 2.5 at 4.7 so happy days. I must admit I felt very smug protecting my dinero.

Saturday was followed by Sunday, as is tradition, and my punting ears were truly pricked. I donned my punting position in front of the TV and listened to the pre-match build up for the Blackburn Burnley game, which turned out not to be much of a crowd puller in my house as I watched it alone.

The Pre-match commentary discussed how David Dunn had been drumming into the Blackburn foreign contingency the value of this game, so I expected a leg snapping assault from the Rovers. I was more shocked to see they were 2.00 with bet365 for the first yellow card against Burnley at 1.6. This seemed wrong so I got involved and doubled it up with over 2.5 goals at about 4.9.

The first card did go to Rovers but it wasn’t for a sword wielding challenge, it was for an over exuberant celebration from young Di Santo. Lady luck was truly straddling me.

So all in all a good weekend, £10 into £40 and the little pot from £50 to a respectable £110. I now have about 92.666667% to go.

I am though getting a bit nervous; I have had a good few wins. My pot is whispering at me saying lump me on. My betting balls must grow. I think this week I will settle down for a proper consultation with the Cornerman, in you I trust Cornerman. My good friend Chris is luring me in with horse tips, but Christopher is neither a jockey nor a horse so I will leave his tips for now. But thank you Chris.

At first sight, I fancy over 2.5 goals in the Arsenal and Tottenham game. I also fancy Burnley Draw no bet at 1.81 with betfair, and a cheeky punt on over 1.5 Red Cards in the premiership this weekend with Skybet at 2.2. There are derby games and relegation battles and hopefully some good old fashioned grappling and brawling. Who knows maybe Di Santo will score at Chelsea and celebrate with a kung fu kick to the chops of Ashley Cole. Who knows? Stranger things have happened, ask Pepe Reina.

No.2 - Sea the Stars for BBC Sports Personality of the year.

I was once told you cant make money on the horses unless you have a clue, I have no clue. My mum who picks her horses on the basis of colour and loosely based name association has a far more successful horse-betting career than I.

So I told myself not to back horses in this debt slaying quest. Unless that is the horse is Sea the Stars I have been backing that four legged beauty all year and was not about to let the Prix de l’arc de Triomphe stop me. I had £20 at evens the week before the race. Then looked to the god of rain and told him to chill out if in and around the Paris area. He obliged.

To all those whose internet runs on a dongle you will know, that the internet on a dongle does not run at all, it barely even crawls. Thanks to my useless dongle (this is not a euphemism for impotency – I will though link this for all concerned) my EW bet without Sea the Stars on Youmzain sat idol on my screen as the race went off. Of course Youmzain came second but I didn’t mind I, I was just happy to watch Sea the Stars romp through the field. I rarely shout at the TV whilst jumping but this spectacle was well worth the excitement and excursion.

I was even happier with this equine victory, as earlier in the day I placed my worst punt of the season. It felt wrong even as I put it on, like that feeling when you put an extra 1.30 favourite in your accumulator. My mind was telling me yes but my gut was telling me no. My mind wears the trousers in that old relationship, so I went ahead and backed Wigan away at Hull. Based on the fact that Hull are rubbish and I expect them to go down and Wigan are brilliant and had just managed to beat Chelsea.

I suppose according to that logic I should also be backing Wigan to challenge for the champions league and premiership. But Wigan are not brilliant and of course Wigan lost and I sat there again a little empty inside reminding myself of the complacency rule.

“When a poor team beats a great team, it does not mean the poor team become a great team.”

– I realise this is not a quote worthy of a poster, I’m not sure its even a quote worthy of a blog! But it gets the point across.

But it didn’t matter because Sea the Stars had won – and the entire world for a split second existed in a balance of beauty and splendour.

So much so that later in the day, whilst venturing to the Isle of Dogs Ladbrokes during half time of the torturously boring Chelsea Liverpool game, I overheard this great exchange of insight and wisdom.

“Brian look I know traditionally that BBC Sports Personality of the year is a person. But I reckon that horse should win it. What a cool calm personality, what a brilliant person, what bloody brilliant person that horse is.”

“Clive, I could not agree more.”

If Sea the Stars was an actual real person – by which I mean can send text messages and make a bowl of cereal. Then he would easily be odds on for the BBC accolade. But he is a horse, who eats hay and whose hoofs would make texting nigh on impossible.

But what an amazing I can’t think of a good enough superlative achievement it is, and in a world where man and horse exist in perfect harmony why cant Sea the Starts trot on up to Gary Lineker and take the prestigious award. There are people out there who agree with Brian, Clive and Myself. See Blog.

There were noises online that you could get a bet on Sea the Stars to win the Irish Sports Personality of the year award with the good people at PaddyPower – im sure if you give them a call you might be able to get 65p on it. For those looking for an interesting little bet on the BBC sports personality of the year award – there is a good article justifying a cheeky EW on David Haye at about 25/1 that might be worth having a look at. See article.

But the betting world moves on, and so do I from London town to Leeds. Besides being the jewel in Yorkshires crown Leeds is also the home to the corner man, who I know more personally as father. Corner man I am coming home what do you have for me?

My debt slaying journey depends quite largely on these corner tips. I am making steady progress though with my Sea the Stars weekend I have 98.66666666667% left of the targeted £1500 to go. Mr. Bankman are you watching?

No.1 - Poor Mans Steve Palmer

Long empty weekends are the breeding ground for bad and good ideas, this weekend has been one of those weekends. The sheer absence of anything to do is a luxury riddled with pitfalls; the greatest pitfall is the bad idea that you decide to carry out.

Well I have hatched a bad/good idea. The fact you are reading this suggests I am carrying it through. I will treat this blog like a roller coaster, this first post is the safety pads locking over my nervous shoulders, there is now no getting off. I just hope the egg that I am hatching spawns a triumphant eagle worthy of an American flag and not a feral bird flu carrying feather ball worthy of a fire.

Simply put the plan is to turn £50 into £1,500 through the artistry of gambling. The winnings of which will go to paying off my student overdraft that is looming over me like a dark money cloud of doom. I appreciate this plan is nowhere near full proof. Mr Bankman if you are reading this,

“I am sorry. But stick with me be optimistic. Imagine if I pull it off.”

In fact from now on I will avoid the word gambling its a word weighted by the assumption of losing, the last thing this tin pot idea needs is any negativity. It exists on a thread of positivity as it is. Speculating is a better word.

I realise that the ingredients for this speculative blog do not at first glance seem the makings of a literary feast. The best ingredient I could have is money, which I lack severely. Big bets make better reading be it through fear, awe or jealousy of a big pair of betting balls. For those who read the Racing Post they will know who Steve Palmer is. For those that don’t please have a look at this brilliant blog.

It is real man betting. In comparison this betting blog is a poor mans plastic replica, the sort that makes your wrist go green.

This blog needed spicing up. Then it came to me whilst betting in running on bet365.

I was looking to back Everton a couple of weeks ago at home to AEK Athens. They flew out the traps in that game like a Usain Bolt greyhound hybrid. Which would be an unlikely combo as I’m sure Usain Bolt is not into bestiality. But Everton did look a good bet, of course as I got the price up Yobo confirmed my assumptions and nodded in the first of four. Which is a stomach churning feeling. The optimist in you says at least you got it right and your intuition is well wired. But the realist says bollocks I could have made a penny or two on that, had I been quick enough.

There is absolutely no satisfaction in an I told you so. Which is exactly why I am wary of people who place sportsmen bets, where the winner receives a penniless payment of smugness. The only thing worse than an ‘I told you so’ is an ‘I told you so’ from a smug git.

So we move on.

As I watched Everton score goals for fun in the background, I scoured the bet365 website. Then I arrived at Bandy, The Guatemalan Premier League and Trotting. Those bet365 people really do have a plethora of markets. This is what I needed.

Throughout this blog I will place a couple of bets a month on a sport I know nothing about from a country outside the UK. I will not bet blind though I will read up on Swedish Floorball and Pelota and share my thoughts. Odds compilers if Bjorn and I are the only ones backing Balrog IK at home to AIK its not that i am in a match fixing coalition with the Swedish mafia. I am just having a punt, a speculative punt at that.

And so this debt slaying journey begins...